small dream, BIG PROBLEM

The dream was simple and annoying. I look at my phone and see an email from Jared saying he sent a friend request for someone that he knew to friend me on facebook. I answer with an answer like "OK thanks for explaining because I was wondering who this person was!' That's all for the dream!

BIG PROBLEM

I

HAVE

A

COUGH!

MY

HEAD

WEIGHS

1 MILLION

POUNDS!

I hate being sick, but at least I am being productive! I have finished my scholarship application for study abroad, I am endorsed to study in Spain in June 2012, and I finished my application for the study abroad program!

WHAHOO! Granada here I come!

Dreaming my butt off!

Last night I decided to sleep a lot in spite of all the homework I have due today. So here are some of the dreams I had last night:

Stella:

I was at my Nana's house for a family function and I brought my beautiful kitty Stella (at the current moment she is the most annoying kitty) It was a beautiful spring day and everyone was in and out of the backdoor. Well no one was minding Stella's determination to be outside including myself. Next thing I realize is that Stella is nowhere to be found! I run out the back door and I see her sitting by the garage just grooming herself in the daylight. I start calling to her and running towards her, but she just picks up and starts sprinting towards the opposite fencing. She continues running and half my family is following her! She runs so far along the fence that she encounters other cats and a donkey and her presence causes a ruckus amongst the other animals. She was about to start a fight with a huge grey cat when I pick her up and head back towards Nana's!

Zombies:

Yes I had a Zombie dream! Once again I was an intern at Seattle Grace Hospital and I was touring the hospital behind Dr. Bailey. Dr. Bailey introduced us to a new doctor who was a 10 year old little asian girl. She was really cute and she was telling us about her breakthrough medicine. Bailey had to excuse herself to do something and the little doctor took her leave as well. Well the interns and I were extremely interested in this tiny doctor so we follow her down to her research laboratory. Her research lab was incredibly sketchy that was dark, damp, and smelly. On each side of the walkway there were this tall locker looking things that had labels on them. The tiny doctor was working on a cadaver when she notices us. She has fear in her eyes and we know at the point that we shouldn't be here. We get another look around and notice the lockers are filled with cadavers or what look like cadavers. One of the interns trips backwards in the astonishment, and cuts her hand on something and she starts bleeding. The tiny doctor and the cadaver she was working on change radically! The tiny doctor rolls up her sleeve to reveal rotted bone and flesh under her lab coat and the cadaver wakes up ready to eat. She can't contain herself and has her and the zombie move up towards the human level so they can feed without suspicion of missing interns. We start freaking out! I am designated as the one to alert the hospital of the zombies being made in her lab and the others are stationed throughout the lab to monitor the zombies and make sure that none of them escape. For the rest of the dream my perspective changes between my perspective and the other interns' prospective, which was pretty nifty!

Nana's house again:

In this dream I am at Nana's house before a huge awards show like the Oscars. A few of my friends are there and we are nomming on some appetizers before we head out. One of my friends surprises me though, he confesses that he is interested in not just being a friend! Which, I didn't really know what to do with at the time so I kind of just put it off as a joke. However, he kept following me around the kitchen to try and explain and I am just trying to avoid it. This guy is not the best with expressing his feelings so this chase around the kitchen lasted quite a little bit. Finally, accept what he is saying and let him hold my hand as we head out the door to the Oscars. I am still not into him having this new found love for me so once we arrive at the Oscars I become extremely busy in efforts to wrap my head around his confession. I am walking towards the stage when my mom holds up a sign by this guy saying "Nina is beautiful!" I act like I don't see anything and I keep walking. If you're wondering why I didn't reveal this friend, well I didn't want it to be awkward and I don't want my guy friends thinking anything out of it, so he will remain anonymous!

That's about that for my dreams last night!

Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday

I was really busy this past week and didn't have sufficient time to blog. I really shouldn't blog now, but it's my favorite form of procrastination!

I will start with Wednesday's dream:

It was an escape from a dictator who went soft for a day. We lived in this muddy jungle type environment and we had to hurry to have a free life. There were different stations set up, one for ground transportation, one for walking, and one for flying. We were assigned the flying station and my family couldn't be happier! We were running with all of our belongings hoping to make it in time for our flight. Of course I am one of the first of my family to make it to the "airport". The airport was 4 crop sized airplanes in a mowed grassy area and that's about it! I start freaking out that my family is running behind, so I run back to see what the hell is going on! They are walking and chatting idly like our freedom wasn't at stake. I somehow get them to run towards the airport. We were too late, they were already loading a group of four blondes before us! I start arguing with the gate attendant and she says they are running behind and that we are not leaving for another 3 planes. Phew! So we sit in the airport enjoy the sun, go to the shops, until finally it's our turn. We end up flying into Oklahoma and the first place we attend is the fair. We start searching around the fair grounds just taking our time because finally we were free!!!

Thursdays dream: 

I threw a huge slumber party with all of my friends and some of their friends. Of course it was only girls, but man it was stupid. I definitely did not think this one through! There were girls of all ages some were five years old and some were 21! It was the weirdest thing of my life! The morning after the sleepover I send Kenni with most of the girls to exercise and run and get the heck out of my hair! While Kenni is entertaining 15 of the girls, I go to my bedroom to relax. BUT the five year olds are following me around because they don't know what to do! So we end up playing dress up, until we start wondering where Kenni is! Her and the girls have been slip and sliding for the past hour and a half!

That's all I remember!

Saturday's dream: 

***Warning for all men who read this blog, it is incredibly graphic, I can't believe I even dreamed it up***

I can' believe I am so messed up in the head, is this stuff institution worthy?

I don't really remember the first part of the dream very well. I simply remember being happy with my family and having someone in our lives that we trusted dearly! That someone had wronged my family in an unforgivable way, and I had to have my revenge.  I think he killed my parents and I wanted revenge! He lived in my parents house and he was about to have this huge soiree. So I snuck in and told all the service people to leave unless they wanted to die. I run upstairs and open the door to him and his mistress in the throws. I start yelling that I need answers and I need them now or they will experience pain as never before! He starts laughing, but pushes the girl off of him and looks at me smugly. I tell him I have people to back me up if he chooses not to comply. I start yelling tell me what you know, tell me what you withheld! He again laughs and says he'll never tell. I give him one more chance to tell me or I will make his mistress start cutting off things he holds dear. I think he thought I was talking about money and he begins to laugh in my face. I hand his mistress a knife and tell her to start cutting things off. She looks at me like I'm crazy and I hold a gun to her head and tell her to do it. I bind the man to the bed so he can't hurt the mistress and close the door for her to begin. I hear screams and shrieks and the most awful noises I have ever heard. She opens the door with bloody hands and hands me a piece of his manhood. (what the fuck brain?) We unbind his mouth so he can speak, he tells me about some money squandering he has been doing for years without my parents knowing. When they found out he killed them and changed their will so he would inherit everything. I tell him thank you for the truth, and then tell the mistress cut off the rest of his manhood and his tongue, once again she hesitates but I shoot her in the foot to get her to comply. Once again we bind him and I close the door. I don't even know how to describe holding this man's junk and throwing it back in his face. Without his tongue it was hard for him to yell, but somehow he managed to say GO! I begin sprinting for my car, finding my wallet phone and keys! I run out the backdoor and I hear the dogs barking. The last thought I remember is how am I going to get the dogs in my car?

That's when I woke up from this nightmare panting and sweating. I basically start freaking out, what the hell just went down inside my brain? I think I need to reevaluate my life...

Seriously, this is not the first incredibly disturbing dream I have had, this is just the first one I chose to share, and well I don't know if I'll keep saturday's dream up.

anger problems

So as I was hanging out with New Beginnings today I noticed I was crankier than usual, why? I think it had to do with my rather unsettling dream.

So this dream occurred during a 20 minute snooze session after my alarm went off. The dream was an imagination of what could have happened when I woke up in a parallel life. So in this dream, I woke up to Jared and Samantha running around my apartment seemingly destroying everything. People were running in and out of my apartment moving things and I was furious! I love a peaceful environment to wake-up to and things were crazy. Jared started yelling that he couldn't live in the apartment anymore because of the way it was set up and that was why there were people walking in and out. I was frustrated and running late because I had 5 minutes to get out the door to make it to my practicum classroom. He is talking in my ear about the changes he's making while I am struggling to find everything I need along with proper clothes to wear in a classroom! I yell back at him "Last time I checked you have a loft that you can return to, why don't you stay there for a few days! Leave my place alone!" He then begins blabbing and yelling in my ear about why he isn't going back to the loft and I am completely ignoring him. I am trying to at least make it to my bathroom so I can have some peace! But Jared and Sam both follow me in there talking my ear off. Sam is trying to convince me why Jared is right and she becomes particularly insistent. She is near yelling when I slap her with all of my force, the whole apartment fell quiet. I immediately regret what I've done because my cousin doesn't deserve that. I start balling and hugging my cousin asking for her forgiveness. The slap should have been for Jared, but Sam was right there and her cheek happened to catch all the fury I owned in my body. I wake-up as I'm still apologizing to Sam.

Crazy dream for such a short amount of time!

In other news...

Alright so my dream recall this past weekend is a little on the dull side.

Most of my readers have already heard that I had a dream where I was driving and passed by at least 5 cop cars. One of them finally pulls me over for no reason and I receive a ticket for $210. This dream has me freaked out that I am going to be pulled over sometime soon.

But in other news, I ran 7 miles yesterday. This was by far my longest run in my marathon training history, and I am feeling the pain today. I have always had a weak hip flexor since my cheerleading days in high school and yesterday was too much for it. So today I am sitting around with a bum hip hoping to rest it up so I can run again by Wednesday. However, I am not too bummed about my hip because I RAN 7 FREAKING MILES! Woah! That's over half of the half- marathon! I DID IT! That run yesterday made running the marathon less of wild goal and more like an achievable dream! Whahoo! I would like to thank my dad for making this possible!

 We had a system going on yesterday, I would run at my turtle yet effective pace and he would skateboard ahead of me where he would stop when he couldn't see me and wait. Once I saw him I would either pause for a sec, walk for a minute, or keep running. He provided checkpoints for me and it was really nice to have someone support me on a run! I think we are making it a regular weekend thing and I think this will be the key to my training successfully! Man I love my dad!

So today I am catching up on homework, probably strengthening my core a little bit and enjoying my accomplishment by watching one of my favorite movies, Castle in the Sky!

Hey guys I RAN 7 MILES!

Hunger Games

Alright bloggers headed back to the Hunger Games based dreams! Last night there was a lot of chatter in my classes about the Hunger Games and I guess it stuck in my head. This time I kept dreaming in different peoples' perspectives. I don't actually think I was in the dream, I just followed different people around. Katniss, the protagonist, had just been drawn to participate in the Hunger Games and was training. Peeta was with her, but hadn't confessed his love yet.

Then my perspective changes from Katniss to last years winner, Tina. This wasn't actually in the book I think my head made it up. It was the end of the games and only four people remain. Tina is running around  kind of recklessly not paying attention to the other competitors. The man that was in love with her ended up killing one of the competitors trying to sneak attack her. Tina, surprisingly had a nautical super power where she could send some sonic waves from her fingers as long as there was water nearby. She killed the last competitor and the only other person left she loved. So they ran out of the arena not looking back at anything. Of course the gamekeepers start chasing after them, and one in particular had it out for Tina's lover. They run down a set of escalators that they stop with a rose jammed into the machine. They continue out the glass atrium and out the doors into the daylight. Tina and her love run to a nearby high school during lunch time. Tina takes this time to blend in. She stops at a picnic bench and starts talking to some girls (one of the girls is my friend Tyler). The girls immediately see that she is in trouble and start trying to help her blend in. Lo and behold Tina's lover ruins it all. He stops at the same picnic bench and starts gushing about how in love with Tina he is, basically shouting it out to the world! The gamekeepers over hear the whole thing and grab them to return them to the games. Someone has to kill the other, there must be a winner. As they head back to the games the gamekeeper who hate's Tina's lover starts shooting at them! He shoots Tina first in the shoulder as she is ascending the broken escalator, but it looks like her heart. She falls feigning death. So he moves onto her lover, who is so distraught he isn't paying attention to the shooter. The shooter kills him instantly and Tina realizes she won! She stands up in victory, I guess she didn't really love him as much as he loved her.

Then the perspective changes back to Katniss. I guess they were reviewing the tapes of previous winners and Katniss didn't want to make the same mistake as Tina or the lover. Katniss went to returning on her killing skills, but she wasn't getting very far. That's when I woke up thinking, woah that dream lasted forever. It was intense and vivid and just heavy.  I don't know if you can describe a dream as heavy, but it was just crushing me to my bed heavy.

That's all bloggers! Now ske-daddle!

For all my poetically minded friends

So I had an assignment in class last week, where we had to pick our favorite color and jot down how that color affects our 5 senses. So how do I see, hear, touch, taste, and smell the color pink? Since most of my followers post a poem every now and then I thought I would throw in my minimal poetry abilities!

Here's my homework and I actually kind of like it!

Pink!

Pink marks my favorite things!

Dancing to a jumping party song,

Dying my hair like a rebel, and

Delicious foods I wish I could eat every day.

Sleeping in my favorite Victoria's Secrets pajamas,

Sniffing fresh blooming roses in my backyard,

Snorting little piglets who brighten my day, and

Sexy new shoes for a night out with my friends.

Reading books about overcoming the obstacles of love,

Writing with the most beautifully colored marker,

Running trying to catch snow on my tongue, and

Radically radiant ribbons in a little girl’s hair.

Pink marks my favorite things!

Lately,

So lately my dreams have been getting hazier, or they don't have any rhyme or reason to them. I actually don't fully remember last night's dream, I know it's in my cabeza somewhere, but for right now it's gone! I remember waking up and thinking nothing in my dreams made sense! The order of events made no sense and I have no idea where some of it transitioned. I read somewhere that on average humans have 5 dreams a night, so here's my guess: I think I remembered all FIVE of my dreams last night and that is why they didn't make any sense because they were all separate dreams!

The only snippet I can recall is one of my first dreams, I am standing atop a Trapeze Swing at a circus under the Big Top. I have an extremely stern serious face on, which doesn't make sense since I smile about 85% of my day! The Big Top was red with orange, yellow, and green accents. I was wearing a tight unitard costume that sort of resembled a Chihuly exhibit with lots of red and orange. I look down seriously towards the crowd and nod. That's all I've got of my five dreams of crazy randomness!

In honor of my dream, song of the day: Trapeze Swinger- Iron and Wine (one of the best ever!)

Please remember me, happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin, the time when
We counted every black car passing

Your house beneath the hill and up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention

But please remember me, fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates
Had some eloquent graffiti

Like 'We'll meet again' and 'Fuck the man'
And 'Tell my mother not to worry'
And angels with their great handshakes
But always done in such a hurry

And please remember me, at Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white, by midnight
We'd forgotten one another

And when the morning came I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world and then returned
And now you're lit up by the city

So please remember me, mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower
Call, then pass us by but much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour

Gleam and resonate just like the gates
Around the Holy Kingdom
With words like, 'Lost and found' and 'Don't look down'
And 'Someone save temptation'

And please remember me as in the dream
We had as rug burned babies
Among the fallen trees and fast asleep
Beside the lions and the ladies

That called you what you like and even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see a trapeze
Swinger high as any savior

But please remember me, my misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains
The colored birds above there running

In circles round the well and where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter
So bright on cinder gray in spray paint
'Who the hell can see forever?'

And please remember me, seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees, you turn from me
And said the trapeze act was wonderful

But never meant to last, the clowns that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot
Had an element of danger

So please remember me, finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear, but if I make the Pearly Gates
I'll do my best to make a drawing

Of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl
An angel kissin' on a sinner
A monkey and a man, a marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swinger

Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah

V-Day again!

So last night was one of those nights where my dreams basically planned out my next day in my head for me.

I didn't really realize this until some of my morning routine was different from dream. First difference, in my dream I went into my bathroom and took a shower, fixed my hair, and ate some yogurt. I did none of those things since I decided to sleep in and forego any type of sufficient self-maintenance. When I noticed I hadn't eaten any yogurt I knew something funky was up! Then as I am driving to my school that I am working at (YES I AM WORKING AT A SCHOOL!!!!!) I noticed Kate's car was gone. In my dream, Kate was still at her apartment and I texted her asking what is she doing? Well that obviously wasn't true in reality and that is the exact moment I figured it was a dream. Woah! I hate when I live a whole day through in my dream, only to wake up and realize that I have to do it again!

I don't actually remember my main dream, I remember rolling over and waking up thinking, "silly Abby that's not how you do that!", smiling and continuing my dream! After that I lost it though!

Happy Valentines Day to all my loves, which pretty much means the world of people because I just can't not love someone! Everyone is amazing in their own way and I love that about people! Yes, I am single and not cynical about Valentine's Day! Everyone is so happy and I can't help, but catch the love fever!

Since it's Valentines Day I will do a song of the day:
Love and Some Verses - Iron and Wine

Love is a dress that you made long 
To hide your knees 
Love to say this to your face
I'll love you only
For your days and excitement
What will you keep for to wear?
Someday drawing you different
May I be weaving in your hair?

Love and some verses you hear
Say what you can say
Love to say this in your ear
I'll love you that way
From your changing contentments
What will you choose for to share?
Someday drawing you different, 
May I be weaved in your hair?

I love this song, mainly because of the line may I be weaved in your hair? It says to me, can I stay with you and be weaved into your life through the changes! I think it's incredibly romantic, sweet, subtle, amazing!

Another song of the day: Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine


A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart



May your day be filled with love from everyone around you!

Valentines Day!

Alright so I don't have much to do and what I do have to do I am avoiding it to enjoy my lovely snow day! Thus, you lovely people reading this blog all three or four of you get to hear about my thoughts on Valentines Day. Weird she's not talking about her dreams, but in a way doesn't every girl dream of the perfect Valentine's Day?

Alright so here it goes!

February 14th, what a random day right? It's in the middle of winter, generally things are kind of dreary and February is a weird month by itself. So why Feb 14th? The next bit of information definitely comes from wikipedia! The main reason was some awesome Saint Valentine from the Roman Catholic faith was buried on February 14th! That's it! That's the reason guys are racking their brains about big gestures, girls are flocking to the malls and boutiques in vain hopes that this Valentine's Day will live up to their expectations, and millions of dollars are spent to somehow prove love! All because of a burial of a man that people have forgotten about over the years, wow!

So guys, first off I want to apologize on behalf of the female population: We put way too much pressure on you guys to make us feel special, which you men usually take as spending money. I am sorry about all the pressure we put on you, as women we should feel special enough without one day for it to be proven. Please all we ask, well at least all I ask of my future significant other, is that you sincerely show us you care about us. This can be a prepared speech, or some little love poem on our desks, in our mailbox, or on our door. When you are sincere with a female they know it, they can tell, and if they can't well you two shouldn't be together.

Girls, enjoy this day as if it were any other day and never forget we must make the man feel special too. This is a lot easier for us because all we have to do is wake him up with some awesome morning sex! It's a win win! Girls just calm down, as a recovering expectation addict please do not have expectations. There is a really great book out there that discusses the differences between love languages. People do not show love in all the same ways so make sure you realize that whatever your man has done was spoken in his love language. Girls life is not a rom com so please do not expect him to shout and profess his love, if all he does is buy some drug store chocolate make sure you let him know that it was the best damn drugstore chocolate of your life! Some guys just aren't good at that kind of thing. Also, if you want him to make you feel special why don't you make him feel important everyday of your relationship! It's YOUR own expectations that ruin Valentines Day not his ACTIONS.

Single people, just realize this day is a great day to DREAM of future Valentines Days with someone you love. Be careful don't get too sappy in those dreams, just know that one Valentines Day is meant for you and you cannot hate others who enjoy it this time around. Next year, they might need you to understand the loneliness they feel.

Lastly, Valentines Day is not ONLY for romantic love. Make sure you show EVERYONE you love in your life that you love them. Single people I know you have people you love that you can show you care! Celebrate it! Enjoy it! If anything just use it as an excuse to get drunk with the dearest people in your life!

As many of you know I am a total romantic sap, so no matter how crappy my February 14th is I can't help but feed off of everyone's love being spread around the world on this day! I am your own personal Love Bug!

That's it for my procrastination rambling!

Lame...

Alright this is just plain embarrassing/annoying. Once again, I dreamed of Jared last night and I am getting extremely annoyed by this. What's that, three dreams in a row now? I do not want to be with my ex, I wish him the best in life, and yes maybe I still love him. BUT I love him in the way that I want him to have the best and to be even a little bit as happy as I am right now. However, I can't control my dreams and right about now I wish I could.

Anyway, so this dream started out with my dad and I walking down Jared's old street. We needed to visit their house for some reason and it was really late at night. I wasn't worried about seeing Jared because I know right now he doesn't have a car (which makes me extremely happy) and he can't come back to his parents' house ever. I wanted to see his little sister Jennifer, which she's really more of my little sister because Jared is a crap older brother, and hang out with his mom. We all hung out all night just chatting and laughing, easy as it used to be. Jennifer and I never fall asleep because we are up all night talking. Just as we are about to fall asleep her alarm goes off for school and immediately I feel bad because I kept her up all night. She bolts out the door and I am kind of sitting like a lame duck not really knowing what to do. My dad left a long time ago and I lost my ride. As I get up to change and do something with my life, in walks Jared. I cover up my semi-naked body and start apologizing for being there. I say "I know we broke up, and they aren't my family, I just wanted to hang out with Jennifer and check on her..." He cuts me off and says, "I've always loved that about you, I still love you and I want to reconcile things." I don't what to say, what do I say? He takes my silence as a cue to kiss me. This time I didn't want his kiss, I was too confused to enjoy it. The dream ends with me being confused about my life and Jared.

Oh wait that didn't change when I woke up! No I am happy, ready to fall in love again with who I don't know, but that's the nice thing about it I don't know who I will love. Now if only Jared would quit plaguing my dreams, I would be on top of the world!

So long mis amigos!

Rival Factions,

I was at a hearing for someone I knew. We were watching some court trial from up above in the dome part of the court room. The trial went along, but became really boring after a while so I left with Juan. I said hi to some friends that I haven't seen in a while and follow Juan to another office. He had some violation that he was trying to get out of, but he couldn't. He start complaining about having to tell his dad about the $90 fine he has to pay. Then, I remember driving home with a group of people in my car, we pass my mom driving my dads car. For some reason we are driving in the grass because the roads are so terrible! We arrive at my house, but it's nothing like my house in reality. It's a huge house in the country made out of rocks and a nice long gravel driveway and there are a lot of people there. I think I have seen this house, or something like it, in a movie or something. This house has a huge back yard and I walk through the side door. I walk through the living room and see people sitting there. We kind of go through a stare down, and that's when the rivalries begin! I run through the house grabbing people from my team and fly through the backdoor to the car. Of course, I can never unlock the car fast enough and people are running entirely to slow! The other team is also running! Jared is the leader of the other team and I am the leader of my team! Our first goal is to make it to our next door neighbors house which is about 5 miles away! Jared's team has to run and we got the car, which means we arrived at the house first and we got a place in the living room. Jared's team had to sit outside in an outdoor tea table. I apologize to one of Jared's teammates for taking up all the space and she says that they need to open space anyway!

The last thing I remember is walking into the kitchen to talk strategy!

Keep dreaming, for when we dream we reach a world entirely of our own- Albus D.

Thunder Up!

So last night the OKC Thunder had a pretty devastating loss, but I love the Thunder no matter what. They have also had a tough week with four away games in 5 days. So it was a late game and that's what I watched before I went to bed.

Last night my dream started as we walked into a Thunder game. We were just enjoying our seats, but the game hadn't started and the seats weren't in the correct places. Actually, nothing was in its correct place the Chesapeake Arena looked completely different! However, we just sat down and started talking to some people we know! After a while though people came to move us because apparently our seats were needed for camera crews. I was outraged, saying that my parents paid good money for our seats and we deserve to sit in them! They still moved us anyway to these seats behind some bleachers and that's where we watched the game from and I was pissed the whole damn time! That's all I particularly remember about that dream.

Onto a really great thought I had today!

The look that explains my little thought!

^ is a link so click on it! It will open in a new window!

Alright, so you only have to watch like the first minute of this clip to understand what I am talking about. I had this thought, texted it to Natalie, then I decided I really liked it and would share it with you all!

Here's the thing, this is what I want someday:

Someday I want someone to look at me the way Denny looked at Izzie the first time, that's how I'll know he's the one. Not some guy that's intimidated by me, but some guy that looks at me like, "hey you fit my life, my puzzle, and my world, I will love you forever as long as you look at me the same way some day." Silly it may seem to some of you, young and naive to others of you, but a real hope for me. I think that these looks, those loves, and that kind of commitment exists even through the crap my friends, my family, and myself have been through; love like this still exists and I will find it someday! Ok yes, this little thought stemmed from a fictional tv show, based on fictional characters, and extreme amounts of drama, but it speaks to me so deal!

That's just who I am bloggers!

Jared again

Honestly, I find it incredibly annoying that my mind likes to dream about Jared. I mean why? Oh right I dated him for 5 years and he was in my every waking thought for those five years. Ugh, annoying. I would think that after a year it would go away, but then again I do talk to his family regularly and fuck him for stealing them away from me. Sorry, now I'm ranting again.

Anyway, so here's the dream!

I am out at a party dancing my toushay off when someone comes up from my left and puts a hand on the small of my back, which isn't very unusual at a dance party like the one I was at! I look to my left and see Jared, the boy I wanted to share my life with smiling at me and dancing with me in the stupid way that I used to love. I am drunk in the dream so seeing him I was only happy, throwing away thoughts of hate/resentment/betrayal. We danced in a familiar rhythm and just had fun with drinks in our hands! *sidenote* You never really realize what familiarities you form with someone until they're gone or out of your life. Back to the dream, somehow we stumble back to my apartment kissing and in the first stages of "fun time." We enjoy ourselves, but I don't really remember the "fun time" part of it. I do remember damn it felt good to kiss him again. But why? I really think it is just because he's a good kisser, or maybe those kisses were so awesome because of the feelings that were behind them. Who knows! I just remember the after cuddle and we start catching up on our lives. He tells me about his three possible girls and I tell him that I just didn't care enough to have any possibles. He told me there was a possible right now and her name was Gia. Gia was texting him while I am laying across his chest. We keep talking and catching up, then I tell him to go meet up with Gia.
That's the last I remember!

But I think I would rather have memory dreams of Jared and I's happy times than the possibilities that won't happen.

Sorry if that sounds a little down, but I'm actually happy, it's more of a reflection!

trip city....

Last night's dream was really cool/confusing!

I was walking around campus late at night. I met up with a friend as I was walking through Catlett, his name is Scott. He had a bunch of friends with him and I told him how he used to date a girl who's a dance major at OU, we all went to Casady which of course his friends cared so much about. They let me walk with them until the Union and then we parted ways. I descended a staircase somewhere and I saw another person I knew, Baylor. He said I needed to come with him, so I followed him. We saw our friend Zach and he told us that we needed to start digging. I was really confused, I started laughing, and look around at the people next to me. I look around and everyone is the same person, they are all a girl named Marcela everywhere! The only people that are not Marcela are Baylor, Zach, and I. There are probably about 30 Marcelas around me. The Marcelas all start digging outside so I guess that means I should start digging too. Baylor, Zach, and I start digging with our hands in this dirt, but we don't find anything. We are constantly digging when I wake-up, or so I think...

I wake-up in my bed, but I'm surrounded by other beds almost like I'm in a furniture store. I walk to the front desk in a daze and there is Lisa Kudrow. She is about to lose her cable psychiatrist show because no one wants to go on the show. I am so distraught from my dream that I run to Lisa Kudrow and tell her I need help, I can't escape my dreams I need help! I need her help my dreams never makes sense and sometimes they are messed up and I don't even know how I got here, I need help! By this time, I'm hysterical and Lisa Kudrow is excited because I am just the patient she needs for her show. She immediately yells to star prep for filming. I am escorted off to a make-up room and began getting prepped. The last thing I remember was seeing the bright stage lights and Lisa Kudrow in a huge, queenly, red, psychiatrist chair. Then I wake-up... or so I think....

I wake-up in my bedroom this time and think man I have got to blog about this dream. So I stumble out of my bed and go get my laptop from the living room and head back towards my bed. The last thing I remember is the front of my bed and stumbling to reach it. That's when I wake-up to the sounds of my alarm for real this time.

The next dream I had pertained to Gossip Girl, yes the TV show. Sometimes when my head doesn't like a particular ending of a show and creates a whole new exciting one. Recently on Gossip Girl the bride ran away from her wedding to a prince because she realized her wedding was only a business deal. In the dream I am her handmaiden to the new princess so I am following her around while she is trying to figure out what to do with her life. Eventually the prince finds us and we all have a huge breakdown yell fight in the terrible hotel somewhere in Italy. I am constantly trying to help the bride keep her dress clean because it is a custom made vera wang! The new princess needed to clear her head so she hops in the shower and I pick up her dress off the floor. Her prince comes storming in and I stop him from yelling at her. He is distraught unable to really formulate any sentences. I calm him down somehow and he says something like "Nina I could never hate you because even when I want to hate you, you are compassionate and never give nothing but love" Then he just calms down and starts sobbing and I tell him that he is still a good man, even though his life is extremely messed up. He just keep sobbing and the princess comes out of the shower and I take that as my cue to leave. I walk upstairs and the princess's friends are all so mad at each other for the wedding that it is completely silent in our rooms. I walk around and take account of the people there, settle into my bed and that's where I wake-up for the last time.

Trippy huh? So many things going on at once! Let me tell you after waking up two different times in one dream it is really weird to wake-up the final time!

Have a great day beautiful people!

Let's go to the mall, today!

Ok well really in my dream we went to a Blockbuster which slowly turned into a Target, but that's close enough to a mall right?

Kevin, Brandon, and I decided we were bored one night and decided to go to Blockbuster and get a movie. Blockbuster was cool but they decided to go look for some action/horror movie. I, of course being the future teacher, start looking at the children's movie that are currently popular. Then I notice I don't hear the boys laughing or being stupid so I go searching for them. I get distracted by clothes, of course, it's a girl thing. I remember coming to a wall of hair ties. I really needed hair ties! I find the boys trying to find new clothes in Target, but all of the boy clothes are children sized. If you know anything about these guys they are not children sized in the slightest. The boy section was coincidentally next to the clearance section of girls clothes. Kevin finds a shirt that may fit him, so we follow him to the dressing room. Brandon and I start arguing over their movie choice when I wake-up.

Woot, that's all I got for last night!

new time, same place

Alright bloggers, I was extremely sleep deprived over this previous weekend. I am a person used to sleep as you can tell by all my completed REM cycles, but I did not sleep that much this weekend. In total starting from thursday night I received maybe 16 hours of sleep, some of you may think "ya that's about right", but this girl needs 8 hours a night! Out of 24 possible hours of sleep I only received 16 and one night I only had about 2 hours of sleep, if that.

So of course the night that I get a full 8 hours my mind decides to go nutso begutso (kate).

I don't know exactly where the dream started or where it ended. It was almost similar to a parallel universe because life was very similar to the one I am in now. I was going to class, making plans, and basically living my life in this other parallel universe. In my dream I lived a life sunday through tuesday morning. I don't remember the details of my days, but really how many times do we remember the details of our daily lives? I remember making plans with someone and canceling plans because I had class. I even remember making myself dinner. I remember going to class, which my mondays were really busy because I had classes all day. Then I remember going to to meeting monday night and going to bed monday night. I remember sleeping and walking through a familiar dream with similar backgrounds, particularly this one where I was in a turkish tourist market. I remember waking up and beginning my daily life on a tuesday and that's where I wake up.

Weird huh? I lived three whole days in one dream, in a parallel universe. Huh? I am really living more than one life and in my dreams I visit my other lives. Woah!

murder she wrote,

Last night's dream was, for a lack of better description, fucked up.

Alright, it was someone's wedding in this giant house/hotel/wedding reception hall. Everything is going smoothly and I'm running from room to room trying to help with preparations and fulfilling my duties as a bridesmaid. Then we hear warning that my aunt's terrible ex husband is planning to kill her and her sons. We change locations to my Nana's house and ready ourselves for a skilled killer to attack us. There are about 30 of us and yet we are terrified of one guy. We place all the children in the middle of the house behind some trick mirrors. For some reason I am coaching my family on how to find weapons in everyday objects. I start gathering the family and station them in different rooms ready to attack. For some reason my weapons of choice were a broken pool stick and a fork. The killer sends two cronies to check our forces. We beat them down quickly and send them back to him. Later a car races by the house and the guy flips us off so we flip him off right back. We are still preparing and I am making my rounds making sure everyone is in place. Then I see him, at the bottom of the hill with an architectural map of the house. He was plotting ways to plant a bomb in a deadly place. I go down and bring him up to the house by force where I have more backup. I bring him down on his back. He starts laughing like a crazy person, like he was enjoying it! I then stab him in the neck with the fork. I work the fork so it cuts him in a great gash, but nothing that will kill him. That's when I start freaking out, I am calling for my uncle Ector to finish it for me. I can't kill him, I can't finish it. Help someone help me I can't kill a man I can't. Dad, please help me I can't do this by myself. Someone get my dad. Please someone! Then the killer starts laughing at my cowardice, the situation. So he starts rolling back and forth to make the gash bigger and kill himself. He rolls and rolls until basically his head is severed. I am crying crying because I was holding the fork there the whole time, why did I hold it there, why did I keep it there? It's these thoughts that I black out into. The next thing I know I am awake. Walking and awake, why was I walking? Wasn't I asleep? What's going on? Where am I? I am in a grocery store with someone and I am walking beside them holding onto the cart. I ask how long have I not been present. The person shows me. I have been blogging about what happened, with bible scriptures about forgiveness and absolution. I had been blogging for the past 3 weeks. The dream ends me slowly going crazy as I write down what I have been really thinking. I am scribbling down my craziness walking towards a loading plank on a dock when I wake up.

Throughout this dream I wake up periodically and roll around in my bed, kick Stella off of my face, and hopefully get out of the dream, but I never do.

That's all I've got today, and hopefully for a while, I don't like this kind of dream.

**AFTERWORD** This kind of dream literally makes my memory recall dozens of memories of other dreams. Some of them good, but most of the dreams I recall are the painful kind. Bad memories, sticky situations, nightmares, and Jared; that's what I get for dreaming. Constantly living in a world that's not my own, plagued by memories that don't actually exist, but why? It may seem super cool that I dream so vividly, but it's dreams like last night that make me wish I would never remember my dreams. It is honestly mentally exhausting trying to maintain a grasp on reality when there are two realities in my life, dream reality and everyday reality. I'm just tired. Sorry bloggers for the downer today, it's hard to be cheery when you're killing people in your dream.

suburban sanity

So last night's dream started with Natalie and I walking around after a late dinner.  Natalie and I wanted to go out on a weeknight! We did go out and the bar was awesome until about midnight when everyone left! So we left the bar without even grabbing one drink and we head to another club. We end up just driving around not really knowing what to do. We end up at a hotel that she was staying at. In the morning I have to wake-up for a return flight home, but I lost my itinerary. I have to call a travel agent from an ATM and she sends it to my email, but for some reason she sends it to my friend Alex's email. So the next conundrum is trying to figure out how to print it. I need to return to my hotel so I can use the business center for free. When I go out to find my car in the valet circle it's not there!

 I start walking around the huge parking lot around the hotel and I don't see my car. I am pushing the lock button hoping I will hear my car beep and nothing! I am so pissed that I immediately start looking for a valet. I find him and I start forcefully asking him where my car is. He gives me some snarky comment back. So I lose it! Most of my friends know that when it comes to airports I have to be there early and on time or I start having a melt down. Well this particular meltdown I took out on the valet. I start yelling profanities, calling him every name in the book! All of my friends start laughing and even the valet is laughing at me. It was a full on tantrum meltdown. So I lastly call the valet useless and start the search on the other side of the parking lot. I find a parking enforcer and ask her if she has seen my car. She looks at me with a terrified expression and shakes her head and walks away. So I am guessing she heard my tantrum. I find my car not too far from the parking enforcer and get in! Finally! I pick up Alex from the front of the hotel and the valet decides to join us because I guess he liked my craziness. Well I missed my flight so we had to driver wherever we were going. It was the valet's turn to drive when I woke up.

Marathon News:

I am refreshed! It took an episode of How I Met Your Mother to get me back in the mood! In this particular case, it seemed like fate! Ted recalled events that led to his missing his flight to Chicago for a huge job interview. All of the events were centered around the New York City marathon. It was pretty hilarious watching Marshall train for the marathon and the incidences he had to endure, which oddly enough some of them are like mine. That made me feel good. It also made me feel good that Marshall is not an athletic person and he could do it and so can I! Yes I know he is a fictional character, whatever. Then I took the advice of the ever wise Barney Stinson, here's how to run a marathon:

1. Start running

And that's it there is no step two! Effective and so true!

Friends and family who read this blog, please do not leave me to fend for myself when my legs give out after the marathon. I don't want to end up like Barney, stuck on a subway without a way to leave, I don't want to see the end where it turns around!

buh buh BAH bah buh buh buh baaaah

ugh, blah, blue, blee, fuck

Marathon News:

So I ranted about yesterday sucking, well today was even worse. I started running and it sucked. I hate running, so most of my running experiences suck to some degree, but this was terrible. In fact it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad running day, to quote a famous children's book. I am going to be a teacher get used to it! Anywho, today felt as if I was running through a pool of jello, pudding, and glue with lead feet. So I stopped running and started walking.

While walking I wanted to figure out what was plaguing me, so I could get over it and run new again. Here is my rant list of things that are potentially messing with my ability to run.

1. terrible, horrible, no good, very bad songs on my usually awesome playlist.
2. I literally had one vodka tonic last night, and I really think it messed with my muscles and my brain readiness.
3. Little brats were passing me left and right running like they were in the olympics.
4. Then an old man at least age 65 passed me... f my life!
5. I think I need a change of scenery I am getting tired of seeing the same stuff everyday.
6. I am having a mental crisis about the kind of person I am because Kevin pointed out that I string guys along.
7. I am slowly realizing this is extremely true.
8. How do I make it stop?
9. Is it really that bad a thing?
10. What if it is essentially a part of who I am?
11. Am I a bad person because of it?
12. For some reason I never feel rested when I wake up, why?
13. Can I work through these things or at least get rid of them long enough to train?
14. Valentines day is stupid.

Well that's my rant list that is pretty much a copy of Kate's but oh well, it seemed to help her so hopefully it will help me?

ta-ta, ciao, ugh

SO FRUSTRATED