Thursday, April 30, 2015


This has been one of the most challenging years emotionally. I put so much love towards my career and it constantly breaks my heart. My career is my students, their health, education, and well being. Everyday I see those faces and see all of the potential in the world. I have a student who could seriously be the first man to take a selfie on Mars. I have a student who could be the next great female comedian or athlete or both. I have a student who could charm anyone and anything. I have a student who could move past his life of violence and make something of himself. But, the problem with working in my type of school, is that most of these students will not be able to get out of the life that they were born into. That is why my heart constantly breaks.

The breaking was bearable as long as I turned a blind eye to the life they have outside of school and only focused on the preciousness of their time in school. However, my blind eye finally had to see. I made my first call to DHS today. It was heartbreak on a whole new level. How are we supposed to take these tiny humans into our lives and care and nurture them and send them off the hell for a home?

This is why teaching hurts so much and why it's one of the hardest professions. Not only do our students have hard lives that we have to help them navigate through, but we also must navigate through the beaurocracy of teaching. Think about having 1000 Garmins yelling at you to proceed to the highlighted route, while trying to update them to the latest version, test their proficiency, and keep your eyes on the road. The road in this case is the future of our youth. How can I help these students become productive citizens of society with all of the navigation? Sometimes you just want to yell "SHUT UP GARMINS, let me see the road ahead" Hopefully, I will see the road soon. Hopefully, I will be able to do away with some of the heartbreak. Hopefully.

It's official. I'm a teacher and I will stop at nothing to make my students' lives just a tiny bit better. Sometimes all it takes is a call to the right people or a smile in the morning.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Code name Ninja

Alright my bloggers that haven't been here in a while,

Last night my dream world was in a state of turmoil! The world was infested by the undead, but these undead were not mindless. They were calculating, clever, and intelligent beings that were fighting to takeover the world by converting everyone to the zombie state. However, I was a part of the defense for the human race, but no one knew it. There was a secret group of ordinary people who learned how to place a disguise of superheroes around our bodies while we control the disguise from the inside. (Kind of like how the soldiers control the robots in Pacific Rim and yes I did watch it and it was AWESOME!) my disguised superhero looked like a ninja from the outside. Just to be clear, I was like an anime awesome ninja with crazy body proportions and a ponytail that could cut glass with one swish. Some other disguised ordinaries looked like robots, half human half lion, master assassins, and half human half wolf. We all lived in an abandoned compound, which kind of made us poor because we lived in the homeless sectors where people made fires in barrels and constantly sold trinkets they found out of the trash. I have no idea why we lived there besides to keep our anonymity, but our house didn't have a roof and there were weeds growing out of the walls. It was a three story white house that once had a flat roof that would have looked modern had it not been utterly in ruin.

 We were a happy group of ordinary people and that's all that really mattered.

We were informed of a planned attack to hit a nearby mall and so we set off. We quietly switched on our disguises and set off. When we were in disguise mode we could see out of the disguise like a hologram surrounded us, but we didn't need any special suit or controls to be in our disguise we only used our minds to control it like it was our own body. We started towards the mall and informed people to go to their safe shelters for the impending attack. Our job was not to fight the zombies but to get the civilians to safe places within the mall. It all seemed very routine in the dream. My partner looked like Katherine Heigl in person but her superhero disguise looked like a rust bucket of a robot. We went through and secured people throughout the mall and sometimes people would argue with me, but all they needed to hear were the sounds of destruction getting closer and they complied with us. We also ran into a lot of really panicked crying messes of people, which we just picked up and placed into a safe area and hoped for the best. We left the mall completely secured and the zombie invasion averted.

On our way back to our shambled area, we came across some children playing in a field totally oblivious of the zombies that were about to charge through and kill them. I yelled at them to hop in the car which being completely oblivious to any danger just hopped in like climbing into car with strangers is cool. Oh by this time I had put my disguise away. I took them back to the homeless sector and let them run free in our house. That's when I woke up!

I thought you would enjoy this tidbit of a dream, it was a pretty fun one to remember!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Is this real life?

Hey all bloggers, who probably won't read this!

I know it's been a while, but recording my lengthy dreams on a daily or weekly basis is surprisingly time consuming. I don't have the time! I know it's a lame excuse, but whatever! I just wanted to post about how lately I feel like I'm living in two realities at once. Like my last post, I'm having trouble with dream and reality.

Which is which?

 I have a firm grasp on my waking life, but throughout the day my dreams try to fight their way to the surface. Just a moment ago, I was looking at a reading for class when all of a sudden images from my dreams just popped into my head. It was like I could see the reading and my dream in the same instance. It's hard to focus because I have two images in my head at once. I often have to grasp my head to focus my attention back on the actual physical part of my waking life and push the dream back. These aren't daydreams, but rather memories of my sleeping life.

I understand that for the most part dreams are a way for the mind to sort through daily activities and such. Which yes, my dreams definitely do that. For example, my car has been telling me I need to add washer fluid. In a dream I had recently, some old man replaced my washer fluid while I was stopped at a gas station. Last night, I was on my way home (waking life) and I needed to use my washer fluid. Then as I'm looking at the road the memory of this dream hits me so hard that I really thought it happened. It felt like someone was forcefully pushing the memory on me trying to convince me it was real. It took a surprising amount of time to realize that my washer fluid was still low. I wasn't completely convinced until I looked down and my car told me to fill my washer fluid.

My cousin worries about my dreaming, which worries me. There have been cases of people falling in the love with their dream world that they stay asleep, and basically put themselves in a comatose state. I don't want that to be me!

Sorry for the scared rant, but this has been getting worse.  I don't really know what to do about it!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Dreams and Reality...

where do they begin and where do they end?

So lately my dreams have been so vivid and real that I worry that sometimes they are an alternate reality. Cue spooky music. I have been revisiting previous scenarios of previous dreams. These are not reoccurring dreams, these are constructions of scenes that I have made in the past and I am continuing now. It's kind of like when you're playing the Sims and then you have to stop for a week. When you come back all of your sims are dead or dying and the time just kept moving. That's what has been going inside my head! I just pick up right where I left off. It's been really weird.

Last night I revisited one of my previous dreams, where I made a different version of the OU campus. Kate and I were living in this yellow house with 4 apartments in it. I had throat cancer. I had a tumor in my throat that I could feel from the outside of my neck. I had it checked out and it was proven to be cancerous and metastasized to other parts of my body. My doctor sent me to a living with cancer support group. This is also one of those weird instances where my dream covers a time span of days. We would sit in a pretty bleak conference room and just talk about how much we hated cancer every thursday. I was struggling with severe depression and alienating myself from everyone.

The main part of my dream took place the night before my major surgery to take out the tumor in my throat. I walked around campus all day just trying to figure out how this could happen to me. The day was bright and sunny in contrast to my superiorly dark mood. I walked to the cafeteria to ask my friend Shahn what he would do as a doctor. He ignored me! This also did not help my mood. Kate like a good friend made sure that people left me alone and even distracted a few of them. I went to the Thursday night cancer group and in efforts to brighten my mood hosted a scavenger hunt to distract me from my impending surgery. It did, I was so happy and totally forgot about everything!

Until I was on the operating table and the gas mask was rapidly approaching my face, that's when I woke up.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

La tee doo!

I don't have anything to say in particular, but I also have nothing to do. My life in a nutshell currently:

1. I have been extremely delinquent towards my diet and kind of wish someone would just slap me and tell me to get my act together!

2. As Kate points out almost everyday, I am a hot mess. My life in general is just hot mess like. I don't do my homework until I absolutely have to. I never read for my classes and I still get A's on my written responses to the readings. Love life.... well I'm not getting into that. My dreams are still crazy, which is the main reason I haven't posted in a while. Let's just say one of my most recent dreams involved me snorting cocaine. I cannot seem to keep my car out of the shop. I'm either all guns blazing or hibernating grizzly bear. I have times were shaking my booty could cure cancer and I have times that sleeping rules my life. I have this new strong belief in horoscopes and I think they apply to my daily life. I just feel like half of my brain left my head and was replaced with bubbles. Yes, bubbles! Where is the part of my head that keeps me concreted to this Earth? If you find it, most of you know where to find me!

3. I also have had this kind of morbid thought running around in my head for quite a while now.  Why do we wait to say the things we love most about a person until they die and we have to speak at the funeral? I don't know! Ever since this thought I try to love everything about a person. Not that I didn't try to do this already, but I feel an extra need to demonstrate that I love them. I just want all my friends and family to know:
             You're not dying anytime soon because I say so!
              I will not withhold my favorite parts about each of you because you deserve to know each and every day of your life!
              To be even more cheesy, you are BEAUTIFUL in every single way!
               (sorry guys I couldn't help it!)

I have been feeling pretty nostalgic lately and in a general mood of giddiness!

Stay silly!

Current song that puts a smile on my face:
She don't know she's beautiful by Sammy Kershaw

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


My dream started as a typical day headed to the mall to meet some friends to go shopping for a day. Typical right? WRONG!

We met up inside the mall and weren't really finding what we were looking for in the shops, so we headed to the next department store. As soon as we enter the department store we become separated, I don't know how but in the next chunk of the dream I was alone. I start wondering around this new world, because I had no idea where I was. I started to head towards this giant arena where most of the people in this world were headed. As I made my way through the giant parking lot, almost to the arena when I heard people screaming and running. I quickly looked around to gauge my surroundings and everyone was yelling they're changing us, they're taking over. Well that didn't sound good, so I started to book it as well! I started looking for anyone who was getting into a car so I could hitch a ride with them. No one was willing to accept me. I kept running from car to car with a pleading look on my face, but no one would even look at me. At this point the bad guys from the arena were making there way out to catch any runners. I knew I needed to move fast or I would become a drone like they made everyone else. At last I run into a hispanic couple and thank God I can speak Spanish because I pleaded with them in Spanish and they finally let me into their car. As we start speeding away through the parking lot, one of the bad guys stops us and injects us with either a blue or orange serum. I didn't know what they did yet because I got away. I ran like hell, I didn't want to see the affects of the serums.

I ran to the nearest gas station and met someone along the way. We decided to join forces and hide from the bad guys. If you're wondering why I always refer to them as the bad guys, it's because I don't quite remember what we called them in the dream. The bad guys looked completely normal and completely human, which made it scarier because you couldn't really tell who was good and who was bad. The only way you could tell was by their sinister eyes that just looked like there were up to no good. I got the most random assortment of things at the gas station. When I went to check out, the currency had changed in the land. The cheapest of items cost somewhere in the thousands of dollars. I had to act like I was injected in order to get out of this gas station alive. However, when I left to meet up with my new partner in crime, he was gone and some guy quickly injected me with the orange serum, which knocked me out.

When I woke up I wasn't myself, except I was kind of myself. The bad guys had placed me in a house near some others houses. In the other houses other people were injected as well and living their own lives. The serum made you feel like you wanted to live in a perfect world and that you had to be perfect. I couldn't stop smiling, my neighbors were friendly, and outside was the best place to be. I knew that this wasn't the world though, but I couldn't express it. I was outside enjoying the weather and my neighbors one day, when a guy on a navy bicycle strode in. I knew something was wrong before it happened. He stopped in front of one of the nearby houses and threw these packets of syringes up to the second story. I was about to say stop, when I noticed all the non-serumed people leaning out of the second story to grab a syringe. These syringes contained the antidote for the serum, so we could resume our lives in the normal non-eutopian society. He threw some towards my other neighbors and myself. Somewhere my inner self told me to take the syringe and cure myself, even though it went against every fiber of the orange serum. I took it and the world returned to itself again.

I was back in the department store with a bunch of very confused recovered people. We were all wondering around this department store in order to figure out what to do. It was impossible to leave! Somehow all the doors had disappeared, so most of us just bunkered down and waited for the next incident. I lean up against this glass casing where a display of black leggings sat. I started laughing because that's what I was looking for the whole time, a good pair of black leggings. As soon as my hysterics settled the bad guys stormed the department store and started killing people. Left and right they are vaporizing people. One guy in particular came after me, as if I was the reason the whole serum thing fell through. I started running through the lingerie department, the cosmetics, and finally the shoes. Somehow I lost him or killed him. I found my two friends that I lost when we entered the department store and ran through the first doors we found. We had been in the mall for days, and when I got to my car I started to weep.

A few days later I was housesitting for a friend and of  course having a party! My friends house was huge with multiple wings and stuff. I started showing my friend one of the wings when he suggested we go to the mall. My jaw dropped and I woke up!

Yep, that's all folks. Anyone want to interpret that?

Monday, October 1, 2012

Grey's Assassin

All of the characters of Grey's Anatomy were students at my old high school and so was I. Callie and I were walking to class in the language arts building when some assassins came up from behind us and wrapped us up in burlap sacks. They started dragging us to some woods and we had to figure out how to escape. While they were dragging us, I said aloud,


 Luckily, Arizona found us and snatched us away and started running back towards the senior building. We warned everyone of the crazy assassins that were out to get us. All of the grey's anatomy characters retreated back to a house to prepare for the oncoming assault.

We didn't have enough guns for everyone so I started arming people with knives and things to bludgeon people with. My parents were in the garage for the primary assault and my dad had some guns and I told him to suit me up. We didn't have much time so we started running back towards his gun safe.

There were already 3 people waiting for us in my parents closet (where the gun safe is) One of the assassins took out my dad pretty quickly and I was left alone with these three professional assassins. Somehow, I was also trained like Black Widow from the Avengers. I quickly knocked the assassins to their backs. Then I proceeded to beat them to a pulp and before they could get up I stabbed them all in the middle of their chests effectively puncturing their lungs. I start hyperventilating because I just killed three people.

I run out to join the rest of my people and we all get captured. We are in handcuffs heading to their headquarters which lies on the inside of a moat of molten lava. I am examining my surroundings when I wake up.