where do they begin and where do they end?
So lately my dreams have been so vivid and real that I worry that sometimes they are an alternate reality. Cue spooky music. I have been revisiting previous scenarios of previous dreams. These are not reoccurring dreams, these are constructions of scenes that I have made in the past and I am continuing now. It's kind of like when you're playing the Sims and then you have to stop for a week. When you come back all of your sims are dead or dying and the time just kept moving. That's what has been going inside my head! I just pick up right where I left off. It's been really weird.
Last night I revisited one of my previous dreams, where I made a different version of the OU campus. Kate and I were living in this yellow house with 4 apartments in it. I had throat cancer. I had a tumor in my throat that I could feel from the outside of my neck. I had it checked out and it was proven to be cancerous and metastasized to other parts of my body. My doctor sent me to a living with cancer support group. This is also one of those weird instances where my dream covers a time span of days. We would sit in a pretty bleak conference room and just talk about how much we hated cancer every thursday. I was struggling with severe depression and alienating myself from everyone.
The main part of my dream took place the night before my major surgery to take out the tumor in my throat. I walked around campus all day just trying to figure out how this could happen to me. The day was bright and sunny in contrast to my superiorly dark mood. I walked to the cafeteria to ask my friend Shahn what he would do as a doctor. He ignored me! This also did not help my mood. Kate like a good friend made sure that people left me alone and even distracted a few of them. I went to the Thursday night cancer group and in efforts to brighten my mood hosted a scavenger hunt to distract me from my impending surgery. It did, I was so happy and totally forgot about everything!
Until I was on the operating table and the gas mask was rapidly approaching my face, that's when I woke up.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
La tee doo!
I don't have anything to say in particular, but I also have nothing to do. My life in a nutshell currently:
1. I have been extremely delinquent towards my diet and kind of wish someone would just slap me and tell me to get my act together!
2. As Kate points out almost everyday, I am a hot mess. My life in general is just hot mess like. I don't do my homework until I absolutely have to. I never read for my classes and I still get A's on my written responses to the readings. Love life.... well I'm not getting into that. My dreams are still crazy, which is the main reason I haven't posted in a while. Let's just say one of my most recent dreams involved me snorting cocaine. I cannot seem to keep my car out of the shop. I'm either all guns blazing or hibernating grizzly bear. I have times were shaking my booty could cure cancer and I have times that sleeping rules my life. I have this new strong belief in horoscopes and I think they apply to my daily life. I just feel like half of my brain left my head and was replaced with bubbles. Yes, bubbles! Where is the part of my head that keeps me concreted to this Earth? If you find it, most of you know where to find me!
3. I also have had this kind of morbid thought running around in my head for quite a while now. Why do we wait to say the things we love most about a person until they die and we have to speak at the funeral? I don't know! Ever since this thought I try to love everything about a person. Not that I didn't try to do this already, but I feel an extra need to demonstrate that I love them. I just want all my friends and family to know:
You're not dying anytime soon because I say so!
I will not withhold my favorite parts about each of you because you deserve to know each and every day of your life!
To be even more cheesy, you are BEAUTIFUL in every single way!
(sorry guys I couldn't help it!)
I have been feeling pretty nostalgic lately and in a general mood of giddiness!
Stay silly!
Current song that puts a smile on my face:
She don't know she's beautiful by Sammy Kershaw
1. I have been extremely delinquent towards my diet and kind of wish someone would just slap me and tell me to get my act together!
2. As Kate points out almost everyday, I am a hot mess. My life in general is just hot mess like. I don't do my homework until I absolutely have to. I never read for my classes and I still get A's on my written responses to the readings. Love life.... well I'm not getting into that. My dreams are still crazy, which is the main reason I haven't posted in a while. Let's just say one of my most recent dreams involved me snorting cocaine. I cannot seem to keep my car out of the shop. I'm either all guns blazing or hibernating grizzly bear. I have times were shaking my booty could cure cancer and I have times that sleeping rules my life. I have this new strong belief in horoscopes and I think they apply to my daily life. I just feel like half of my brain left my head and was replaced with bubbles. Yes, bubbles! Where is the part of my head that keeps me concreted to this Earth? If you find it, most of you know where to find me!
3. I also have had this kind of morbid thought running around in my head for quite a while now. Why do we wait to say the things we love most about a person until they die and we have to speak at the funeral? I don't know! Ever since this thought I try to love everything about a person. Not that I didn't try to do this already, but I feel an extra need to demonstrate that I love them. I just want all my friends and family to know:
You're not dying anytime soon because I say so!
I will not withhold my favorite parts about each of you because you deserve to know each and every day of your life!
To be even more cheesy, you are BEAUTIFUL in every single way!
(sorry guys I couldn't help it!)
I have been feeling pretty nostalgic lately and in a general mood of giddiness!
Stay silly!
Current song that puts a smile on my face:
She don't know she's beautiful by Sammy Kershaw
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