Fantasy day

Today has been one of those days where I don't want to face reality. I would rather hole up in my apartment and just read a fiction novel about an impossible love that somehow works out, and I did. I really want to kick myself for ignoring my responsibilities, but I can't help feeling mental ease.
I don't know why but sometimes I just need a week or at least a day to shut out this world and immerse myself in another.
Yes, romantic cheesy teeny bopper novels are my mental ease and I know it's lame! I don't apologize!

Reading about fictional situations where only unconditional love can help characters through hardships makes me feel better. This was my escape for the day, my mental checkout to daydream for the rest of the day.

I hope that whoever reads this can take a minute/day/week to escape and find a dream or fantastical world and recharge batteries. The best part is when you return to reality you feel braver!

I like to post pictures and I don't think these pertain to this post at all!

Dismantle, Repair

The title of this post came from an Anberlin song that has been on my mind today. I might as well post the lyrics, but today they don't really have a significance just a good song!

One last glance from a taxi cab
Images scar my mind
Four weeks've felt like years
Since your full attention was all mine
The night was young and so were we
Talked about life, God, death, and your family
Didn't want any promises,
Just my undivided honesty, and you said

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better
Oh oh, things are gonna change, oh, they're gonna change

I am the patron saint of lost causes
A fraction of who I once believed (change)
only a matter of time
Opinions I would try and rewrite
If life had background music playing your song
I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you 
But the orchestra plays on, and they sang

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better
Oh oh, things are gonna change

Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down (repair)
You dismantle me
You dismantle me

Give me time to prove 
Prove I want the rest of yours (prelude)
Call this a prelude to a lifetime of you
It's not that I hang on every word 
I hang myself on what you repeat 
It's not that I keep hanging on
I'm never letting go

Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down (repair)
You dismantle me
You dismantle me

Save me from myself
Save me from myself
Help me save me from myself
Save me from myself

Oh oh, things are gonna change now for the better
Oh oh, things are gonna change

Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down (repair)
You dismantle me
You dismantle me


This song kind of made me remember one of the theories about dreams. This theory believes that dreams are a way for us to process information and repair mental/emotional damages that  we cannot repair in our waking state. But sometimes, don't you feel like dreams rip open scars that have healed? Don't you wish that dreams would leave the damage alone? I know I do. When I have a dream that brings up old damage and old feelings I am thrown for the rest of the day. I wake up thinking "damn brain why must you fuck with me, I have a long day ahead of me and I don't need you starting my day off badly!" Then the first few hours I'm awake, I'm in a haze and funk trying to return to the content state I was in. 


Then another question popped in my head. Why do random dreams make an appearance in your daydreams, even when they are years old? Today I remembered a dream and I could only think is where did that come from? I don't think the dream has any significance in my life, but maybe it does!


Sorry this is longwinded!
Dreams are finicky things. 

Lullaby

Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open,the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.

This is a quote from a really good book, The Hunger Games. It may seem teeny bopper, but it actually has depth and appeals to many audiences!

Bee the Bitch!

Yes this time I purposely spelled it "bee" 


To explain the bitch part I must explain my dream, and it all took place at Sonic. For all you non-southwest people, Sonic is a drive-in fast food joint that is highly popular for it's ability to make amazing ice and put soda in a perfectly made 44 oz drink! My favorite in particular is a large Dr. Pepper with easy ice! 


Back to my dream!
I was at Sonic with my family and I was riding in the back seat. We ordered and received our food. When you order food at Sonic it always takes you 10 minutes longer than you ever wanted! So I was already cranky because I had to wait so long. Then I reach into my goodie bag and take a bite of delicious french fries and guess what! THEY WERE COLD! I hit the red button to call the car hop immediately! She returned with a smile on her face which quickly turned to a frown because I started yelling at her. She snapped back saying I can't help you,  we never had guidelines to deal with unhappy customers. I quickly changed my attitude towards her and demanded her manager. She quickly ran away! While waiting for the manager my family was begging me to leave it alone, and of course I wouldn't. Her manager came to the window and I start yelling at him for his lack of guidelines and protocol. 
That's all I remember! If you ask me I was pretty bitchy in this dream




Next, I wanted to share with you a dream that has plagued/defined my life. When I was younger I had a dream that I was being chased by gigantic bees! This all took place in my old house and probably my favorite after my current house! I was trapped running through hallways and rooms trying to escape these bees! When I say gigantic I mean BEAR sized bumble bees that I knew were poisonous. That's all there is to that dream. BUT, it has been in my head since I was probably about five:

This dream has led to my extreme fear of bees or any other type of flying buzzing stinging bug! This dream plagues me every summer and spring when bees come out from hiding and come out to play! Every time I see a bee or insect of that variety I immediately return to being trapped in my house and they grow 20 times their size!


It also has ironically helped to define a piece of who I am! One of my nicknames is bee, how that happened I don't know. I know it stems from my last initial being B, but really? My greatest fear is now a very popular nickname among my friends! Don't get me wrong my friends don't call me bee to make fun of me, it just happened! Another piece of me involves my late Papa. Papa is my mom's dad and he was a strong man who I highly respect. He was literally deathly allergic to bees and wasps and every time I see one I think of him.


So bees in my life are variable in their significance. They can be a part of a dear memory of my Papa, a remnant of a long lost dream, and a nickname! That's why I find them fascinating and terrifying at the same time! 


They also make a frequent appearance in my doodles!

Observations

So I have noticed that my dreams seem to help me envision my next day. Over the thanksgiving break I often dreamed of things that I would do the next day. I would ask my aunt how to make a cheesecake. I would cook with my mom for thanksgiving dinner. I think my mind was so preoccupied with the next day it sorted through the happenings. Sorry for the lame dreams over the break, but I thought I would recall one of my favorite dreams!

In this dream reality I worked at a mental institution with my ex, Jake.  Jake and I were working with this patient together. She was put in the institution after she lost a baby and went into a crazy depression. We gave her drugs to help her sleep. As soon as she fell asleep my dream entered into her dream. In her dream, Jake and I were dressed in leather warrior/superhero outfits. Our mission in her dream was to retrieve the package from the middle of the castle. The castle was surrounded by a moat of fire and hundreds of knights  with deadly weapons. My weapon of choice was the best bow and arrow I could imagine! Jake was more of a hand to hand combat type of guy, but he kept an ax with him just in case. He opened up the path for me to charge through. We battled through the whole castle and went to the deepest parts of the castle! We finally reached the prize room and her package was in the middle of the room. It was her little baby, precious and swaddled calm as ever. I quickly cradled the baby in my arms and ran up to the top of the tallest tower. Once I reached the top balcony, I wrapped the baby like the stork would and put my arrow through the top knot. I braced my arrow, aimed it towards the moon and shot the baby straight towards the moon! The patient was on the surface of the moon and caught her baby gently and with ease. She smiled and I zoomed out of the dream back into my dream reality. The next day when we checked on the patient, she was perfect. She was pretty much cured!

This is one of my favorite dreams I have ever had. There was adventure, depth, and really cool costumes. I also really like that she was better after her mind healed itself. I love how I created someone's dream within my own dream!

I'll keep you all posted on my dreams and if I don't have any I will recall some of my personal favorites!

Future?

So this dream is seemingly normal until it isn't...

Earlier in the day I was asking Kole if we were going to party to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. He said we were going to go to Mitchell's house and have a good good time!

Well my dream started as we are on our way to the party. Mitchell brought a girl and we stopped at her house on the way to Mitchell's. So it was Kole, Mitchell, the girl, and my uncle Evodio at this girl's house. Mitchell and this girl were all over each other, so Kole and I left to go to the other room. We decided we were not getting drunk enough to sit around and watch Mitchell get lucky. We said our goodbyes to the lovers and we got into Kole's car. Now here is where my dream went a little bonkers. Kole's car was a house. I am serious. It kind of looked like a dollhouse enlarged. Kole by this point was drunk and he needed me to drive the house. In my dream, this was no big deal! We were about to head out when Evodio, Mitchell, and the girl walk in. So we just resumed the party in Kole's house car!

Eventually, I went home in a different mode of transportation and continued what I planned to prepare for Thanksgiving!

I wanted this blog to strictly be a dream journal, however, I think I might post random snippets or thoughts from my head. These thoughts usually stem from day dreams, so I guess it stays true to the dream blog!

Hurry up Thanksgiving!

Grandma and I were driving and we had to get there fast! We tried to take a short cut, but it led to a dead end surrounded by a fence. So we drove around the perimeter of the fence so we could find an exit. Soon the police were following us with lights up and sirens blaring! We just drove trying to avoid them. Grandma told me to keep my eyes forward and they would disappear. However, I could not help myself and as soon as I looked back the police cars fell head first into a ravine. We knew the pursuit wasn't over so we found our way to the highway and kept driving. We knew we were in trouble with the law and we worked on our backup plans. Nothing came to mind. We were flustered and eventually had to return to Grandma's. It was Thanksgiving! We were going to be late cooking dinner! 

The end.

The next dream I remember, well sort of, had to do with Kole and Mitchell and finding something. I remembered the dream in full when I woke up around 5 am, but when I woke up at 9:30 it was all gone. Damn. There was a large wave and a beach front house. That's as far as my memory takes me!