Dreams and Reality...

where do they begin and where do they end?

So lately my dreams have been so vivid and real that I worry that sometimes they are an alternate reality. Cue spooky music. I have been revisiting previous scenarios of previous dreams. These are not reoccurring dreams, these are constructions of scenes that I have made in the past and I am continuing now. It's kind of like when you're playing the Sims and then you have to stop for a week. When you come back all of your sims are dead or dying and the time just kept moving. That's what has been going inside my head! I just pick up right where I left off. It's been really weird.

Last night I revisited one of my previous dreams, where I made a different version of the OU campus. Kate and I were living in this yellow house with 4 apartments in it. I had throat cancer. I had a tumor in my throat that I could feel from the outside of my neck. I had it checked out and it was proven to be cancerous and metastasized to other parts of my body. My doctor sent me to a living with cancer support group. This is also one of those weird instances where my dream covers a time span of days. We would sit in a pretty bleak conference room and just talk about how much we hated cancer every thursday. I was struggling with severe depression and alienating myself from everyone.

The main part of my dream took place the night before my major surgery to take out the tumor in my throat. I walked around campus all day just trying to figure out how this could happen to me. The day was bright and sunny in contrast to my superiorly dark mood. I walked to the cafeteria to ask my friend Shahn what he would do as a doctor. He ignored me! This also did not help my mood. Kate like a good friend made sure that people left me alone and even distracted a few of them. I went to the Thursday night cancer group and in efforts to brighten my mood hosted a scavenger hunt to distract me from my impending surgery. It did, I was so happy and totally forgot about everything!

Until I was on the operating table and the gas mask was rapidly approaching my face, that's when I woke up.