Thunder Up!

So last night the OKC Thunder had a pretty devastating loss, but I love the Thunder no matter what. They have also had a tough week with four away games in 5 days. So it was a late game and that's what I watched before I went to bed.

Last night my dream started as we walked into a Thunder game. We were just enjoying our seats, but the game hadn't started and the seats weren't in the correct places. Actually, nothing was in its correct place the Chesapeake Arena looked completely different! However, we just sat down and started talking to some people we know! After a while though people came to move us because apparently our seats were needed for camera crews. I was outraged, saying that my parents paid good money for our seats and we deserve to sit in them! They still moved us anyway to these seats behind some bleachers and that's where we watched the game from and I was pissed the whole damn time! That's all I particularly remember about that dream.

Onto a really great thought I had today!

The look that explains my little thought!

^ is a link so click on it! It will open in a new window!

Alright, so you only have to watch like the first minute of this clip to understand what I am talking about. I had this thought, texted it to Natalie, then I decided I really liked it and would share it with you all!

Here's the thing, this is what I want someday:

Someday I want someone to look at me the way Denny looked at Izzie the first time, that's how I'll know he's the one. Not some guy that's intimidated by me, but some guy that looks at me like, "hey you fit my life, my puzzle, and my world, I will love you forever as long as you look at me the same way some day." Silly it may seem to some of you, young and naive to others of you, but a real hope for me. I think that these looks, those loves, and that kind of commitment exists even through the crap my friends, my family, and myself have been through; love like this still exists and I will find it someday! Ok yes, this little thought stemmed from a fictional tv show, based on fictional characters, and extreme amounts of drama, but it speaks to me so deal!

That's just who I am bloggers!

Jared again

Honestly, I find it incredibly annoying that my mind likes to dream about Jared. I mean why? Oh right I dated him for 5 years and he was in my every waking thought for those five years. Ugh, annoying. I would think that after a year it would go away, but then again I do talk to his family regularly and fuck him for stealing them away from me. Sorry, now I'm ranting again.

Anyway, so here's the dream!

I am out at a party dancing my toushay off when someone comes up from my left and puts a hand on the small of my back, which isn't very unusual at a dance party like the one I was at! I look to my left and see Jared, the boy I wanted to share my life with smiling at me and dancing with me in the stupid way that I used to love. I am drunk in the dream so seeing him I was only happy, throwing away thoughts of hate/resentment/betrayal. We danced in a familiar rhythm and just had fun with drinks in our hands! *sidenote* You never really realize what familiarities you form with someone until they're gone or out of your life. Back to the dream, somehow we stumble back to my apartment kissing and in the first stages of "fun time." We enjoy ourselves, but I don't really remember the "fun time" part of it. I do remember damn it felt good to kiss him again. But why? I really think it is just because he's a good kisser, or maybe those kisses were so awesome because of the feelings that were behind them. Who knows! I just remember the after cuddle and we start catching up on our lives. He tells me about his three possible girls and I tell him that I just didn't care enough to have any possibles. He told me there was a possible right now and her name was Gia. Gia was texting him while I am laying across his chest. We keep talking and catching up, then I tell him to go meet up with Gia.
That's the last I remember!

But I think I would rather have memory dreams of Jared and I's happy times than the possibilities that won't happen.

Sorry if that sounds a little down, but I'm actually happy, it's more of a reflection!

trip city....

Last night's dream was really cool/confusing!

I was walking around campus late at night. I met up with a friend as I was walking through Catlett, his name is Scott. He had a bunch of friends with him and I told him how he used to date a girl who's a dance major at OU, we all went to Casady which of course his friends cared so much about. They let me walk with them until the Union and then we parted ways. I descended a staircase somewhere and I saw another person I knew, Baylor. He said I needed to come with him, so I followed him. We saw our friend Zach and he told us that we needed to start digging. I was really confused, I started laughing, and look around at the people next to me. I look around and everyone is the same person, they are all a girl named Marcela everywhere! The only people that are not Marcela are Baylor, Zach, and I. There are probably about 30 Marcelas around me. The Marcelas all start digging outside so I guess that means I should start digging too. Baylor, Zach, and I start digging with our hands in this dirt, but we don't find anything. We are constantly digging when I wake-up, or so I think...

I wake-up in my bed, but I'm surrounded by other beds almost like I'm in a furniture store. I walk to the front desk in a daze and there is Lisa Kudrow. She is about to lose her cable psychiatrist show because no one wants to go on the show. I am so distraught from my dream that I run to Lisa Kudrow and tell her I need help, I can't escape my dreams I need help! I need her help my dreams never makes sense and sometimes they are messed up and I don't even know how I got here, I need help! By this time, I'm hysterical and Lisa Kudrow is excited because I am just the patient she needs for her show. She immediately yells to star prep for filming. I am escorted off to a make-up room and began getting prepped. The last thing I remember was seeing the bright stage lights and Lisa Kudrow in a huge, queenly, red, psychiatrist chair. Then I wake-up... or so I think....

I wake-up in my bedroom this time and think man I have got to blog about this dream. So I stumble out of my bed and go get my laptop from the living room and head back towards my bed. The last thing I remember is the front of my bed and stumbling to reach it. That's when I wake-up to the sounds of my alarm for real this time.

The next dream I had pertained to Gossip Girl, yes the TV show. Sometimes when my head doesn't like a particular ending of a show and creates a whole new exciting one. Recently on Gossip Girl the bride ran away from her wedding to a prince because she realized her wedding was only a business deal. In the dream I am her handmaiden to the new princess so I am following her around while she is trying to figure out what to do with her life. Eventually the prince finds us and we all have a huge breakdown yell fight in the terrible hotel somewhere in Italy. I am constantly trying to help the bride keep her dress clean because it is a custom made vera wang! The new princess needed to clear her head so she hops in the shower and I pick up her dress off the floor. Her prince comes storming in and I stop him from yelling at her. He is distraught unable to really formulate any sentences. I calm him down somehow and he says something like "Nina I could never hate you because even when I want to hate you, you are compassionate and never give nothing but love" Then he just calms down and starts sobbing and I tell him that he is still a good man, even though his life is extremely messed up. He just keep sobbing and the princess comes out of the shower and I take that as my cue to leave. I walk upstairs and the princess's friends are all so mad at each other for the wedding that it is completely silent in our rooms. I walk around and take account of the people there, settle into my bed and that's where I wake-up for the last time.

Trippy huh? So many things going on at once! Let me tell you after waking up two different times in one dream it is really weird to wake-up the final time!

Have a great day beautiful people!

Let's go to the mall, today!

Ok well really in my dream we went to a Blockbuster which slowly turned into a Target, but that's close enough to a mall right?

Kevin, Brandon, and I decided we were bored one night and decided to go to Blockbuster and get a movie. Blockbuster was cool but they decided to go look for some action/horror movie. I, of course being the future teacher, start looking at the children's movie that are currently popular. Then I notice I don't hear the boys laughing or being stupid so I go searching for them. I get distracted by clothes, of course, it's a girl thing. I remember coming to a wall of hair ties. I really needed hair ties! I find the boys trying to find new clothes in Target, but all of the boy clothes are children sized. If you know anything about these guys they are not children sized in the slightest. The boy section was coincidentally next to the clearance section of girls clothes. Kevin finds a shirt that may fit him, so we follow him to the dressing room. Brandon and I start arguing over their movie choice when I wake-up.

Woot, that's all I got for last night!

new time, same place

Alright bloggers, I was extremely sleep deprived over this previous weekend. I am a person used to sleep as you can tell by all my completed REM cycles, but I did not sleep that much this weekend. In total starting from thursday night I received maybe 16 hours of sleep, some of you may think "ya that's about right", but this girl needs 8 hours a night! Out of 24 possible hours of sleep I only received 16 and one night I only had about 2 hours of sleep, if that.

So of course the night that I get a full 8 hours my mind decides to go nutso begutso (kate).

I don't know exactly where the dream started or where it ended. It was almost similar to a parallel universe because life was very similar to the one I am in now. I was going to class, making plans, and basically living my life in this other parallel universe. In my dream I lived a life sunday through tuesday morning. I don't remember the details of my days, but really how many times do we remember the details of our daily lives? I remember making plans with someone and canceling plans because I had class. I even remember making myself dinner. I remember going to class, which my mondays were really busy because I had classes all day. Then I remember going to to meeting monday night and going to bed monday night. I remember sleeping and walking through a familiar dream with similar backgrounds, particularly this one where I was in a turkish tourist market. I remember waking up and beginning my daily life on a tuesday and that's where I wake up.

Weird huh? I lived three whole days in one dream, in a parallel universe. Huh? I am really living more than one life and in my dreams I visit my other lives. Woah!

murder she wrote,

Last night's dream was, for a lack of better description, fucked up.

Alright, it was someone's wedding in this giant house/hotel/wedding reception hall. Everything is going smoothly and I'm running from room to room trying to help with preparations and fulfilling my duties as a bridesmaid. Then we hear warning that my aunt's terrible ex husband is planning to kill her and her sons. We change locations to my Nana's house and ready ourselves for a skilled killer to attack us. There are about 30 of us and yet we are terrified of one guy. We place all the children in the middle of the house behind some trick mirrors. For some reason I am coaching my family on how to find weapons in everyday objects. I start gathering the family and station them in different rooms ready to attack. For some reason my weapons of choice were a broken pool stick and a fork. The killer sends two cronies to check our forces. We beat them down quickly and send them back to him. Later a car races by the house and the guy flips us off so we flip him off right back. We are still preparing and I am making my rounds making sure everyone is in place. Then I see him, at the bottom of the hill with an architectural map of the house. He was plotting ways to plant a bomb in a deadly place. I go down and bring him up to the house by force where I have more backup. I bring him down on his back. He starts laughing like a crazy person, like he was enjoying it! I then stab him in the neck with the fork. I work the fork so it cuts him in a great gash, but nothing that will kill him. That's when I start freaking out, I am calling for my uncle Ector to finish it for me. I can't kill him, I can't finish it. Help someone help me I can't kill a man I can't. Dad, please help me I can't do this by myself. Someone get my dad. Please someone! Then the killer starts laughing at my cowardice, the situation. So he starts rolling back and forth to make the gash bigger and kill himself. He rolls and rolls until basically his head is severed. I am crying crying because I was holding the fork there the whole time, why did I hold it there, why did I keep it there? It's these thoughts that I black out into. The next thing I know I am awake. Walking and awake, why was I walking? Wasn't I asleep? What's going on? Where am I? I am in a grocery store with someone and I am walking beside them holding onto the cart. I ask how long have I not been present. The person shows me. I have been blogging about what happened, with bible scriptures about forgiveness and absolution. I had been blogging for the past 3 weeks. The dream ends me slowly going crazy as I write down what I have been really thinking. I am scribbling down my craziness walking towards a loading plank on a dock when I wake up.

Throughout this dream I wake up periodically and roll around in my bed, kick Stella off of my face, and hopefully get out of the dream, but I never do.

That's all I've got today, and hopefully for a while, I don't like this kind of dream.

**AFTERWORD** This kind of dream literally makes my memory recall dozens of memories of other dreams. Some of them good, but most of the dreams I recall are the painful kind. Bad memories, sticky situations, nightmares, and Jared; that's what I get for dreaming. Constantly living in a world that's not my own, plagued by memories that don't actually exist, but why? It may seem super cool that I dream so vividly, but it's dreams like last night that make me wish I would never remember my dreams. It is honestly mentally exhausting trying to maintain a grasp on reality when there are two realities in my life, dream reality and everyday reality. I'm just tired. Sorry bloggers for the downer today, it's hard to be cheery when you're killing people in your dream.

suburban sanity

So last night's dream started with Natalie and I walking around after a late dinner.  Natalie and I wanted to go out on a weeknight! We did go out and the bar was awesome until about midnight when everyone left! So we left the bar without even grabbing one drink and we head to another club. We end up just driving around not really knowing what to do. We end up at a hotel that she was staying at. In the morning I have to wake-up for a return flight home, but I lost my itinerary. I have to call a travel agent from an ATM and she sends it to my email, but for some reason she sends it to my friend Alex's email. So the next conundrum is trying to figure out how to print it. I need to return to my hotel so I can use the business center for free. When I go out to find my car in the valet circle it's not there!

 I start walking around the huge parking lot around the hotel and I don't see my car. I am pushing the lock button hoping I will hear my car beep and nothing! I am so pissed that I immediately start looking for a valet. I find him and I start forcefully asking him where my car is. He gives me some snarky comment back. So I lose it! Most of my friends know that when it comes to airports I have to be there early and on time or I start having a melt down. Well this particular meltdown I took out on the valet. I start yelling profanities, calling him every name in the book! All of my friends start laughing and even the valet is laughing at me. It was a full on tantrum meltdown. So I lastly call the valet useless and start the search on the other side of the parking lot. I find a parking enforcer and ask her if she has seen my car. She looks at me with a terrified expression and shakes her head and walks away. So I am guessing she heard my tantrum. I find my car not too far from the parking enforcer and get in! Finally! I pick up Alex from the front of the hotel and the valet decides to join us because I guess he liked my craziness. Well I missed my flight so we had to driver wherever we were going. It was the valet's turn to drive when I woke up.

Marathon News:

I am refreshed! It took an episode of How I Met Your Mother to get me back in the mood! In this particular case, it seemed like fate! Ted recalled events that led to his missing his flight to Chicago for a huge job interview. All of the events were centered around the New York City marathon. It was pretty hilarious watching Marshall train for the marathon and the incidences he had to endure, which oddly enough some of them are like mine. That made me feel good. It also made me feel good that Marshall is not an athletic person and he could do it and so can I! Yes I know he is a fictional character, whatever. Then I took the advice of the ever wise Barney Stinson, here's how to run a marathon:

1. Start running

And that's it there is no step two! Effective and so true!

Friends and family who read this blog, please do not leave me to fend for myself when my legs give out after the marathon. I don't want to end up like Barney, stuck on a subway without a way to leave, I don't want to see the end where it turns around!

buh buh BAH bah buh buh buh baaaah